THE ANNOYING RACE FAN INTERVEIW #5

Queue ("Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)

ARF: HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) INTERVIEW. TODAY'S GUEST FINISHED FOURTH IN THE GEICO 500 AT TALLADEGA. PLEASE WELCOME LANDON CASSILL!

(fade music)

ARF: WELCOME, LANDON. HAVE A SEAT

Landon: Thanks, ARF. Glad to be here.

ARF: NO PROBLEM, MAN. FOURTH AT TALLADEGA? THAT'S GOTTA BE AWESOME.

Landon: Yeah, it really is. Really proud of my team. They worked hard all day and gave us great pit stops. They got me up front towards the end of the race. Track position was really important out there.

ARF: AT A RESTRICTOR PLATE RACE? SERIOUSLY? DO YOU REMEMBER THE 2000 WINSTON 500 WHEN DALE EARNHARDT WON? TRACK POSITION? HA!

Landon: I'm just really proud of my team, ARF.

ARF: YOU SHOULD BE, BUT I'M CALLING BS ON THE TRACK POSITION THING, LANDON. AND WHAT'S WITH THE CANNED RESPONSES? I'M PROUD OF MY TEAM... THEY WORKED HARD...YADDA YADDA.

Landon: Don't start, man.

ARF: OK, SORRY. SO, YOU'VE GOT A NICE HEAD OF HAIR THERE. DO YOU CONDITION?

Landon: I only wash my hair once a week.

ARF: REALLY? GROSS! MY HAIR IS PRETTY SPECTACULAR. IT WAS DUBBED THE "BEST HAIR IN RACING." YOURS WAS IN THE TOP 10, I THINK. THE LADIES OF TWITTER DECIDE.

Landon: Can't we talk about the race? 

ARF: I SEE YOU AS A THREAT TO MY HAIR.

(Landon becomes increasingly frustrated with ARF)

Landon: I thought this was an interview. I'm out of here.

ARF: COME ON MAN, STAY. DON'T LET YOUR INFERIOR HAIR RUIN THIS FOR YOU.

(Landon gets up and walks to ARF. He proceeds to give ARF a noogie)

ARF: HEY MAN, WATCH THE HAIR!

Landon: Now your hair isn't the best, you piece of [expletive]!

(Interview proceeds to cut to black)

(Queue "Good Vibrations")

**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW LANDON CASSILL**