NASCAR OFFSEASON DISORDER: THE FAQ'S

ALL ABOUT NOD


WHAT IS #NOD, OR NASCAR OFFSEASON DISORDER?
IT IS A LACK OF NASCAR ON TV. NO OTHER DESCRIPTION IS NECESSARY.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF NOD?
- INCOHERENT TWEETS WITH THE HASHTAG OF NASCAR
- SCROLLING THROUGH THE TV CHANNELS TO HOPEFULLY FIND SOME NASCAR
- DOING DAILY TASKS THAT INADVERTENTLY MIMIC NASCAR RACES (i.e. "GETTING THE GROCERIES 500")
- WEARING A FULL-FACE HELMET TO USE THE BATHROOM
- INSTALLING A WINDOW NET IN YOUR TOYOTA COROLLA
- IT MUST BE NOTED THAT NOD MAY ALSO MIMIC REAL-LIFE ILLNESS SYMPTOMS. (STAYING IN BED, CRYING, UNCONTROLLABLE SHAKES, FEVER)

WHAT CAUSES NOD?
THE NASCAR SEASON ENDS IN NOVEMBER AND DOES NOT BEGIN UNTIL FEBRUARY. THAT IS BASICALLY THREE MONTHS OF NO NASCAR. FANS OF NASCAR HAVE NOTHING TO DO. THEY ARE BASICALLY LEFT WITH A VOID IN THEIR LIVES. THE HOLIDAY SEASON (THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS, NEW YEAR'S) IS A TEMPORARY FIX TO AN OTHERWISE LONG OFFSEASON.

WHO CAN DIAGNOSE NOD?
ONLY CERTIFIED NODISTICIANS CAN DIAGNOSE NOD. AT THE FOREFRONT, ANNOYING RACE FAN (ARF) IS ONE THAT CAN DIAGNOSE CASES OF NOD.

ARE THERE ANY CURES FOR NOD?
AT THIS TIME, THERE ARE NO KNOWN CURES FOR NOD. READING ABOUT NASCAR THROUGH THE MEDIA AND SOCIAL MEDIA CAN TEMPORARILY RELIEVE NOD. WATCHING OLD NASCAR RACES VIA YOUTUBE MAY ALSO HELP ON A TEMPORARY BASIS. ONLY HAVING A NEW NASCAR SEASON CAN FIX NOD ON A LONG-TERM BASIS.

ARE THERE NOD SUPPORT GROUPS?
YES. TWITTER IS A GREAT SUPPORT GROUP FOR THOSE SUFFERING FROM NOD. PLEASE VISIT HTTP://WWW.TWITTER.COM TO LEARN MORE.

ARF PREDICTS: FORD ECOBOOST 400

400 MILES, 267 LAPS

I PREDICT THAT:

- THE FIRST CAUTION WILL HAPPEN AT LAP 47 (AMBROSE HITS THE WALL. LEAVES FOR AUSTRALIA A BIT EARLIER THAN EXPECTED)

- KYLE BUSCH WILL BLOW A TRANNY, JUST LIKE THE ORANGE CONE DID IN COLLEGE. BUT IN HIS DEFENSE, HE WAS DRUNK. BOTH TIMES.

- RYAN NEWMAN WILL GO A LAP DOWN ON A SLOW PIT STOP (DROPPED LUGNUT)

- JIMMIE JOHNSON WILL LEAD THE MOST LAPS BUT WILL SUFFER A LATE SPEEDING PENALTY

- BRAD KESELOWSKI WILL PISS OFF SOMEONE

- THERE WILL BE TWO B.S. CAUTIONS

- DANICA GOES A LAP DOWN EARLY. GETS IT BACK. GOES DOWN A LAP AGAIN.

- BK RACING WILL HAVE TWO SOLID, TOP 40 RUNS

- DALE JR WILL FINISH FOURTH IN HIS FINAL RACE WITH JEFF GORDON'S OLD CREW CHIEF

- IT WILL NOT RAIN

- RUSTY WALLACE WILL SAY "FLAT FLYIN"

- TONY STEWART WILL FINISH IN THE TOP 10

- JEFF GORDON WILL TRY AND FIGHT RYAN NEWMAN

- JOEY LOGANO'S HAIRLINE WILL RECEDE EVEN MORE

- BRAD KESELOWSKI WILL WIN THE RACE

- DENNY HAMLIN WILL BE THE CHAMP