THE ANNOYING RACE FAN INTERVIEW #2

(Queue "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)

ARF: HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) DRIVER INTERVIEW. MY GUEST TODAY IS NASCAR NATIONWIDE SERIES DRIVER, BRENDAN GAUGHAN.

(fade music)

ARF: WELCOME, BRENDAN. HAVE A SEAT. (snickers)

Brendan: Thanks, ARF, for having me as a guest.

ARF: NO PROBLEM, MAN. HOW'S IT FEEL TO HAVE TWO WINS IN THE NATIONWIDE SERIES THIS YEAR? THAT HAS TO BE AWESOME. (continues to snicker)

Brendan: It really is. I was pumped Saturday night. What an awesome race.

ARF: I DIDN'T SEE IT. I FELL ASLEEP WITH ABOUT 20 LAPS TO GO.

Brendan: Some fan you are. You missed a good race, ARF.

ARF: SO I HEARD. (begins to laugh harder)

Brendan: What's so funny? I came on your show to be interviewed but your laughing is a bit rude.

ARF: OH, IT'S NOTHING. ONE OF THE PRODUCERS OF THE SHOW TOLD ME A JOKE. THAT'S ALL.

Brendan: What was the joke?

ARF: IT WAS NOTHING. I FORGOT HOW IT GOES.

Brendan: Tell me.

ARF: PROMISE NOT TO GET MAD?

Brendan: I promise.

ARF: I WAS TOLD YOU PLAYED COLLEGIATE BASKETBALL FOR GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY, AND I LOST IT. HAHAHA.

Brendan: I did play for Georgetown. It's not that funny.

ARF: IT KIND OF IS. HAHA.

(Brendan becomes irritated)

Brendan: You're an idiot. I'm out of here. 

ARF: COME ON MAN. I WAS ONLY KIDDING. I'M SORRY. (pauses)  SO HOW WAS THE VIEW OF THE COURT FROM THE BENCH? HAHAHAHAHA.

(Brendan picks up chair and begins to swing it violently)

Brendan. I'm gonna equalize you, you [expletive] piece of [expletive]!

ARF: IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU MISSED A FREE THROW? HAHAHA.

(Brendan throws chair at ARF and rips microphone from his shirt)

Brendan: I'm out of here, [expletive].

(Brendan exits the interview room. ARF, now laying in a pool of his own blood with a cut to his forehead, begins to regain consciousness)

ARF: (in a dazed state) WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED? 

ARF's assistant: He hit you with a chair, sir.

ARF: DID HE LEAVE US ANY VOUCHERS FOR THE SOUTH POINT HOTEL AND CASINO?

ARF's assistant: No, sir, but he did pee on your shirt before he left.

ARF: THAT'S WHAT THAT IS, HUH. GREAT. (turns to camera) WELL, YOU GUYS, STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK'S INTERVIEW.


(Queue "Good Vibrations")


**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW BRENDAN GAUGHAN**