Queue "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)
ARF:
HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) INTERVIEW. MY GUEST TODAY COVERS NASCAR FOR USA TODAY. PLEASE WELCOME JEFF GLUCK.
(fade music)
ARF: WELCOME TO THE SHOW, JEFF GLUCK.
Jeff Gluck 2: Thanks. It's Jeff Gluck 2.
ARF: 2?
Jeff Gluck 2: Yes. 2.
ARF: WHAT ARE YOU? A LESS POPULAR MOVIE SEQUEL?
Jeff Gluck 2: No, this is my personal representation, not when I cover NASCAR.
ARF: I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN, JEFF.
Jeff Gluck 2: Well, Jeff Gluck Covers NASCAR. Jeff Gluck 2 likes reality TV.
ARF: REALITY TV?
Jeff Gluck 2: Yep. I love Survivor.
ARF: YOU MEAN WE'RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT DOVER?
Jeff Gluck 2: I thought we'd talk about the Amazing Race instead.
(ARF looks to his assistant and motions her to come closer)
ARF: (whispers) IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?
ARF's assistant: (whispers back) I had no idea, sir.
(ARF's assistant leaves)
ARF: SO JEFF, HOW ABOUT JEFF GORDON WINNING YESTERDAY. THAT WAS PRETTY COOL, HUH?
Jeff Gluck 2: Can't we just talk about Big Brother? I really love that reality TV.
ARF: SORRY JEFF, THIS IS A RACING-THEMED SHOW. SEE YOUR WAY OUT.
Jeff Gluck 2: But...this...is a new side of me.
ARF: JUST GET OUT OF HERE.
Jeff Gluck 2: Let's talk about Storage Wars, please?
ARF: (in a fit of rage) GET OUT OF HERE. I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Jeff Gluck 2: I..I'm sorry.
(Jeff Gluck 2 exits)
ARF: MY APOLOGIES, FRIENDS. FOR A MINUTE THERE, I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING PUNK'D. UNTIL NEXT WEEK'S INTERVIEW, I'LL SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU.
(Queue "Good Vibrations")
**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW JEFF GLUCK OR JEFF GLUCK 2**
Monday, September 29, 2014
Monday, September 22, 2014
THE ANNOYING RACE FAN INTERVIEW #2
(Queue "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)
ARF: HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) DRIVER INTERVIEW. MY GUEST TODAY IS NASCAR NATIONWIDE SERIES DRIVER, BRENDAN GAUGHAN.
(fade music)
ARF: WELCOME, BRENDAN. HAVE A SEAT. (snickers)
Brendan: Thanks, ARF, for having me as a guest.
ARF: NO PROBLEM, MAN. HOW'S IT FEEL TO HAVE TWO WINS IN THE NATIONWIDE SERIES THIS YEAR? THAT HAS TO BE AWESOME. (continues to snicker)
Brendan: It really is. I was pumped Saturday night. What an awesome race.
ARF: I DIDN'T SEE IT. I FELL ASLEEP WITH ABOUT 20 LAPS TO GO.
Brendan: Some fan you are. You missed a good race, ARF.
ARF: SO I HEARD. (begins to laugh harder)
Brendan: What's so funny? I came on your show to be interviewed but your laughing is a bit rude.
ARF: OH, IT'S NOTHING. ONE OF THE PRODUCERS OF THE SHOW TOLD ME A JOKE. THAT'S ALL.
Brendan: What was the joke?
ARF: IT WAS NOTHING. I FORGOT HOW IT GOES.
Brendan: Tell me.
ARF: PROMISE NOT TO GET MAD?
Brendan: I promise.
ARF: I WAS TOLD YOU PLAYED COLLEGIATE BASKETBALL FOR GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY, AND I LOST IT. HAHAHA.
Brendan: I did play for Georgetown. It's not that funny.
ARF: IT KIND OF IS. HAHA.
(Brendan becomes irritated)
Brendan: You're an idiot. I'm out of here.
ARF: COME ON MAN. I WAS ONLY KIDDING. I'M SORRY. (pauses) SO HOW WAS THE VIEW OF THE COURT FROM THE BENCH? HAHAHAHAHA.
(Brendan picks up chair and begins to swing it violently)
Brendan. I'm gonna equalize you, you [expletive] piece of [expletive]!
ARF: IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU MISSED A FREE THROW? HAHAHA.
(Brendan throws chair at ARF and rips microphone from his shirt)
Brendan: I'm out of here, [expletive].
(Brendan exits the interview room. ARF, now laying in a pool of his own blood with a cut to his forehead, begins to regain consciousness)
ARF: (in a dazed state) WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?
ARF's assistant: He hit you with a chair, sir.
ARF: DID HE LEAVE US ANY VOUCHERS FOR THE SOUTH POINT HOTEL AND CASINO?
ARF's assistant: No, sir, but he did pee on your shirt before he left.
ARF: THAT'S WHAT THAT IS, HUH. GREAT. (turns to camera) WELL, YOU GUYS, STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK'S INTERVIEW.
(Queue "Good Vibrations")
**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW BRENDAN GAUGHAN**
ARF: HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) DRIVER INTERVIEW. MY GUEST TODAY IS NASCAR NATIONWIDE SERIES DRIVER, BRENDAN GAUGHAN.
(fade music)
ARF: WELCOME, BRENDAN. HAVE A SEAT. (snickers)
Brendan: Thanks, ARF, for having me as a guest.
ARF: NO PROBLEM, MAN. HOW'S IT FEEL TO HAVE TWO WINS IN THE NATIONWIDE SERIES THIS YEAR? THAT HAS TO BE AWESOME. (continues to snicker)
Brendan: It really is. I was pumped Saturday night. What an awesome race.
ARF: I DIDN'T SEE IT. I FELL ASLEEP WITH ABOUT 20 LAPS TO GO.
Brendan: Some fan you are. You missed a good race, ARF.
ARF: SO I HEARD. (begins to laugh harder)
Brendan: What's so funny? I came on your show to be interviewed but your laughing is a bit rude.
ARF: OH, IT'S NOTHING. ONE OF THE PRODUCERS OF THE SHOW TOLD ME A JOKE. THAT'S ALL.
Brendan: What was the joke?
ARF: IT WAS NOTHING. I FORGOT HOW IT GOES.
Brendan: Tell me.
ARF: PROMISE NOT TO GET MAD?
Brendan: I promise.
ARF: I WAS TOLD YOU PLAYED COLLEGIATE BASKETBALL FOR GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY, AND I LOST IT. HAHAHA.
Brendan: I did play for Georgetown. It's not that funny.
ARF: IT KIND OF IS. HAHA.
(Brendan becomes irritated)
Brendan: You're an idiot. I'm out of here.
ARF: COME ON MAN. I WAS ONLY KIDDING. I'M SORRY. (pauses) SO HOW WAS THE VIEW OF THE COURT FROM THE BENCH? HAHAHAHAHA.
(Brendan picks up chair and begins to swing it violently)
Brendan. I'm gonna equalize you, you [expletive] piece of [expletive]!
ARF: IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID WHEN YOU MISSED A FREE THROW? HAHAHA.
(Brendan throws chair at ARF and rips microphone from his shirt)
Brendan: I'm out of here, [expletive].
(Brendan exits the interview room. ARF, now laying in a pool of his own blood with a cut to his forehead, begins to regain consciousness)
ARF: (in a dazed state) WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?
ARF's assistant: He hit you with a chair, sir.
ARF: DID HE LEAVE US ANY VOUCHERS FOR THE SOUTH POINT HOTEL AND CASINO?
ARF's assistant: No, sir, but he did pee on your shirt before he left.
ARF: THAT'S WHAT THAT IS, HUH. GREAT. (turns to camera) WELL, YOU GUYS, STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK'S INTERVIEW.
(Queue "Good Vibrations")
**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW BRENDAN GAUGHAN**
Monday, September 15, 2014
THE ANNOYING RACE FAN INTERVIEW #1
(Queue "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)
ARF: HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) DRIVER INTERVIEW. MY GUEST TODAY IS NASCAR DRIVER RICKY STENHOUSE, JR.
(Fade music)
ARF: WELCOME, KEVIN. SIT DOWN.
Ricky: My name is Ricky.
ARF: SORRY, I JEFF GORDON'D THAT. MY APOLOGIES, RICKY.
Ricky: It's ok, it happens.
ARF: HOW ARE YOU DOING? ROUGH DAY YESTERDAY AT CHICAGOLAND, HUH? DANICA MUST BE PISSED AT YOU.
Ricky: (pauses) It...(begins to tear up)...it was. (sniffles)
ARF: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, MAN? YOU WRECKED INTO DANICA PATRICK, YOUR GIRLFRIEND. I BET THAT WAS A LONG RIDE HOME. WHAT DOES THE DOG THINK?
Ricky: (tears roll down face) I...(catches breath)...don't want to think about it. (begins to sob uncontrollably)
ARF: SOMEONE GET HIM SOME TISSUES.
ARF's assistant: We only have paper towels, sir.
ARF: OK, THAT'LL DO.
(hands towels to Ricky)
ARF: SO REALLY, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
Ricky: It wasn't (sobbing) my fault (rips mic from shirt). I (waaah) can't do this. I'm sorry. (Ricky exits)
ARF: HUH. THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (turns to camera) WELP, STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK'S WAVE-MAKER AS WE MOVE TO LOUDON, NEW HAMPSHIRE. THANKS, YOU GUYS.
(Queue "Good Vibrations")
**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW RICKY STENHOUSE, JR.**
ARF: HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) DRIVER INTERVIEW. MY GUEST TODAY IS NASCAR DRIVER RICKY STENHOUSE, JR.
(Fade music)
ARF: WELCOME, KEVIN. SIT DOWN.
Ricky: My name is Ricky.
ARF: SORRY, I JEFF GORDON'D THAT. MY APOLOGIES, RICKY.
Ricky: It's ok, it happens.
ARF: HOW ARE YOU DOING? ROUGH DAY YESTERDAY AT CHICAGOLAND, HUH? DANICA MUST BE PISSED AT YOU.
Ricky: (pauses) It...(begins to tear up)...it was. (sniffles)
ARF: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, MAN? YOU WRECKED INTO DANICA PATRICK, YOUR GIRLFRIEND. I BET THAT WAS A LONG RIDE HOME. WHAT DOES THE DOG THINK?
Ricky: (tears roll down face) I...(catches breath)...don't want to think about it. (begins to sob uncontrollably)
ARF: SOMEONE GET HIM SOME TISSUES.
ARF's assistant: We only have paper towels, sir.
ARF: OK, THAT'LL DO.
(hands towels to Ricky)
ARF: SO REALLY, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
Ricky: It wasn't (sobbing) my fault (rips mic from shirt). I (waaah) can't do this. I'm sorry. (Ricky exits)
ARF: HUH. THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (turns to camera) WELP, STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK'S WAVE-MAKER AS WE MOVE TO LOUDON, NEW HAMPSHIRE. THANKS, YOU GUYS.
(Queue "Good Vibrations")
**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW RICKY STENHOUSE, JR.**
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