ARF INTERVIEWS... JOEY LOGANO

(Queue "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)

ARF: HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) INTERVIEW. TODAY'S GUEST FINISHED DRIVES THE SHELL PENNZOIL FORD FOR ROGER PENSKE. PLEASE WELCOME JOEY LOGANO.

(Fade music)

ARF: WELCOME, DENNY.

Joey: It’s Joey.

ARF: MY BAD. SO JOEY, TELL ME ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE GOING OVER THERE AT PENSKE. YOU AND BRAD SEEM TO HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP.

Joey: (squints and smiles) Things are going great. Brad and I have a great working relationship. We feed off of each other.

ARF: YOU DO WHAT?

Joey: (squints and smiles) It’s a metaphor, ARF. It means we learn things from each other about racing. We push each other.

ARF: WAIT, WAIT. WHY ARE YOU PUSHING BRAD? I THOUGHT THAT WAS KEVIN HARVICK’S JOB?

Joey: (squints and smiles) That’s funny. I kind of walked into that one, didn’t I.

ARF: YES, YES YOU DID. SO, DENNY, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

Joey: It’s Joey, ARF. I’m not Denny.

ARF: SORRY, SORRY. BUT REALLY, LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTON. HOW OLD ARE YOU?

Joey: (squints and smiles) I’m 24, ARF.

ARF: 24? HOLY MOSES, JOEY. YOU’RE GOING BALD. YOU’RE 24 AND YOU’RE GOIND BALD. (points to own head) JOEY, LOOK AT THIS COIF. I’M 35 AND HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HEAD OF HAIR. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? DW HAS MORE HAIR THAN YOU.

Joey: (squints and laughs) Thanks, ARF, you sure know how to make a guy feel special.

ARF: I’M A HARD-HITTING JOURNALIST, JOEY. SO LET ME ASK YOU ANOTHER QUESTION. WHAT KIND OF SOCKS ARE YOU WEARING?

Joey: (squints and smiles) Seriously?

ARF: SERIOUSLY.

Joey: (reveals his socks) Plain white socks.

ARF: ARE THOSE QUARTER-LENGTH SOCKS? ARE YOU HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS? YOU LOOK LIKE A TOURIST IN LAS VEGAS.

Joey: (squints and smiles) What’s wrong with my socks?

ARF: EVERYTHING. CHECK OUT THESE SOCKS. (shows socks to Joey)

Joey: Dang, ARF, those socks are awesome.

ARF: JOEY, I’M AWESOME. JOEY, I HAVE ONE FINAL QUESTION FOR YOU.

Joey: Shoot.

ARF: (snickers) SO, JOEY. WE KNOW YOU’VE BEEN FAST THIS YEAR AND THAT’S PRETTY COOL. (continues to snicker) TELL ME WHAT IT’S LIKE TO SIT ON SO MANY POLES. (begins to laugh uncontrollably) THAT HAS TO HURT, HAHAHAHA.

Joey: (squints and laughs) You’re an idiot. (throws water in ARF’S face and walks off set)

(ARF’s laughing gets to the point where he passes out, not realizing that Joey had left. Eventually coming to, ARF realizes he also urinated himself from the laughter.)

ARF: WELL, YOU GUYS, I GUESS THAT WRAPS UP TODAY’S INTERVIEW. STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT INTERVIEW.

(Queue "Good Vibrations")

**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW JOEY LOGANO**