(Queue "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)
ARF: HELLO, YOU GUYS. WELCOME TO MY (I REALLY DIDN'T INTERVIEW) DRIVER INTERVIEW. MY GUEST TODAY IS NASCAR DRIVER RICKY STENHOUSE, JR.
(Fade music)
ARF: WELCOME, KEVIN. SIT DOWN.
Ricky: My name is Ricky.
ARF: SORRY, I JEFF GORDON'D THAT. MY APOLOGIES, RICKY.
Ricky: It's ok, it happens.
ARF: HOW ARE YOU DOING? ROUGH DAY YESTERDAY AT CHICAGOLAND, HUH? DANICA MUST BE PISSED AT YOU.
Ricky: (pauses) It...(begins to tear up)...it was. (sniffles)
ARF: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, MAN? YOU WRECKED INTO DANICA PATRICK, YOUR GIRLFRIEND. I BET THAT WAS A LONG RIDE HOME. WHAT DOES THE DOG THINK?
Ricky: (tears roll down face) I...(catches breath)...don't want to think about it. (begins to sob uncontrollably)
ARF: SOMEONE GET HIM SOME TISSUES.
ARF's assistant: We only have paper towels, sir.
ARF: OK, THAT'LL DO.
(hands towels to Ricky)
ARF: SO REALLY, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
Ricky: It wasn't (sobbing) my fault (rips mic from shirt). I (waaah) can't do this. I'm sorry. (Ricky exits)
ARF: HUH. THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (turns to camera) WELP, STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK'S WAVE-MAKER AS WE MOVE TO LOUDON, NEW HAMPSHIRE. THANKS, YOU GUYS.
(Queue "Good Vibrations")
**PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT REALLY INTERVIEW RICKY STENHOUSE, JR.**
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